Happy Fourth of July ❤ 🇺🇸
I pray that we as a nation listen to each other with love and find a way to come together to find harmony. I guarantee that the majority of people want everyone to be prosperous, healthy and happy. If we can remember that when voicing our opinions on these lovely little hand held devices we all have I bet we could figure out how to come together communicate in a healthy way and find resolution to our individual traumas as well as help others to heal from their own.
As we are going through these strange and surreal times together, I am sure that a lot of us are trying to figure out how we can be of service? How can we make the best of this and how can we be there for each other?
I woke up thinking about this, it feels so big. How do we help in a situation that the entire world is going through? I think the answer is more than to stay home and I also believe that it is the small things that will help us get each other through this.
Reaching out to each other just to check in, keeping a sense of humor with the memes, sharing the ideas on keeping healthy both emotionally and physically, small businesses donating what they can, supporting small business with online purchases, the list goes on. I feel very strongly that our world is in a reset mode and though this is a difficult time, I believe that we will come out on the other side of this as better people. We are all realizing what is important and I believe living with more intention. Let’s keep lifting each other up, praying for each other, and sending love to each other.
Imagine a world that when we have a conversation we listen and speak with unconditional love. We listen with no judgment, and we don’t take things personal. We really hear what the other person is saying without worrying about how we will respond and we are granted the same kindness when speaking ourselves.
Imagine hearing what someone is telling you without making a snap judgement, this may help you understand what they are saying as well as how they are feeling and not assuming that it is directed toward you. Maybe taking a moment to think about this person and the possibility of what they have been through in their life, you may not know the experiences they have had, the knowledge they have acquired, the things they are learning from pain or traumas they may have been through. Imagine this being your parent, sibling, child, friend, family member or even a co-worker. We think we know what people close to us have been through, but do we honestly? I think we may have a general idea, but I think sometimes we forget that we haven’t always been in that persons life, spent 100% our time with them, so we don’t know every detail of feelings or experiences. If we could remember this when communicating with each other in every day situations it could make a difference in how our relationships grow.
In a recent post I mentioned that Wade and I have been cleaning house, finishing old projects and getting things in order. The same has been with our relationship, it has been interesting. It hasn’t even been on purpose, it has just happened naturally. And I just realized I am going to give credit to a morning ritual we have adjusted. When we drink our coffee we don’t sit in our living room anymore, now we sit at the table across from each other. No longer scrolling through our phones, actually talking. During the warm months we were sitting on our back patio and now at our kitchen table. We have communicated well for the majority of our relationship but we have recently opened up even more. Sharing mistakes from our past, hurt that we have experienced from others and each other. It hasn’t been argumentative, it has been completely about listening to each other with no judgement, no taking things personal, just sharing. We are both growing and I truly believe that we can all experience this if we will let our guard down and realize that we all have a story and some of the story may not have anything to do with ourselves. We all want the same thing and that is to be happy and healthy both physically and emotionally. Next time you have a conversation that feels like it is escalating, maybe take just a moment to adjust your own attitude about listening and see if it makes a difference. This isn’t easy to do sometimes and it can take some time to make it a habit, and I’ll be honest this is something I am not perfect at, but it is something I try to be aware of. I think being aware of it is the first step.
I feel like I was jarred off course, and I was having trouble re-focusing. My intention was to write three posts about mental illness, “let’s get this conversation started” to help explain why I feel called to do this blog, the second “Causes of Mental Illness” and third, “How and Where to get help.” But, I let a response get in my head and I have been overthinking ever since. I know in my heart that this is something I am supposed to write about to help others, but I have been questioning myself… Is what I have to say important? Do I make sense? Do I even know what I am talking about? I don’t want to give incorrect information and the list goes on. Do you ever wonder if we are thrown off course when we are trying to do something good so that we won’t move forward? I think that so many of us have a purpose in this world and when we find it there are obstacles. My faith leads me to believe that there are many reasons for obstacles. I believe one of them is that we do need to question ourselves. I believe that when we question ourselves we become better if we work at it, but if we let the overthinking take hold it halts us. I am not sure what direction I am supposed to take but I know that not writing is definitely not it.
“Clutter is nothing more than your postponed decisions” Barbara Hemphill
For the past few months I have been praying, asking for guidance and the answer I kept receiving was clean out your house, finish old projects and then focus on writing. So that is what I have done. Wade and I have been working on getting our house in order so that our home feels cozy and inspiring to us. I believe that when your home is clear of clutter your heart can work through any clutter you are feeling inside of yourself. I just finished the last of the procrastination projects and it feels so good! Now here I am, no excuses, ready to focus again.
Ironically a few days after I finished the last of the procrastination projects I was invited to go to a friends house for a social event with some amazing ladies that I had not met before. All of them are inspiring but one of them happens to be in school studying psychology. She sent me a ton of information such as books, social media accounts to follow as well as websites and other recourses that are available, I am so grateful. So I have a lot of information to study on top of what I have already found so I think I have a good start.
Thank you all so much for being patient and sticking with me on this journey! Sending out love to each of you.
I have been working on this post and I keep starting and stopping. I’ll be honest I have written several drafts, I’ve lost count of how many. After some reflection I have figured out the reasons I am having such a hard time with this one. First is that I am concerned with my family and respecting their feelings with what I share about my thoughts and feelings about my dad and his illness. Secondly, every time I write something I feel like it is all surface level and I don’t want this post to be surface level. I want to be completely authentic, I feel like he deserves me to be raw and I feel like I need to do this to heal myself. I also want anyone who has a family member that suffers with a debilitating mental illness to know they are not alone. I want people who suffer with mental illness to know that they are loved but it may be difficult for us at times too. Most of you do have people that care, but sometimes we have to separate ourselves for our own self preservation.
“You will never truly be free until you’re living in authenticity” Christy Ann Martine
Here is some history so you have a little understanding of my relationship with him. My dad passed away in 2017 and he suffered from schizophrenia for my entire life so I never new him any other way. My mom and dad were divorced when I was about 5 years old, so my time with him was spent on weekend visits for most of my life. But because of his illness he was not always emotionally and sometimes even physically available because he would withdraw from society at times. So most of my weekend visits would be spent with my Grandparents or aunts and uncles. I love my family and am so thankful that they kept me as part of the family and didn’t just let me drift away. I feel a closeness with both of my parents family’s and feel blessed that I have such a wonderful support system when I need it and I hope that I have done the same for them. But, I am realizing in my own self reflection that in order for my own mental health I withdraw at times as well.
“Appreciate those who don’t give up on you” Unknown
I have some guilt for not always being there for him. Don’t get me wrong there were times in my adult life that I stepped up to help when he needed it, but I did not have the bond that I would have loved to have had with him. I am so thankful that he has such a large family and that my grandparents, his brothers, sisters and even a cousin stepped in when he needed somewhere to live and needed extra care.
Another reason this is a hard post is because I have so much to say and I try to keep my posts to about three paragraphs and there is just no way to do it with this subject. So, I have decided that I need to do this as a series. I am planning to share facts about mental illness, I will be doing some research about help that is available as well as my thoughts and feelings about my dad. I am hoping that I can get some of my family members involved so they may heal as well. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I would love any ideas you have for future posts. Let the healing begin…
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